Andrew: This is a story about the day I punched a cabbie in the mouth. I did this because I am the kind of crazy that you are only allowed to be if you have graduated from Harvard — or Yale, maybe. That does not matter because I have degrees…

In 2017, a Basque whaling ship sailed up the Mississippi river. It then docked in the small town I grew up in. Now, I should be honest: I cannot tell you a number of things about this episode. I do not know how the 600 inhabitants of the town (who’s…

“Young people today are afraid to throw chairs at active shooters.” The judge stopped after he said this, then looked down at me from the dais. “This is because”, he said, “we, as a society, have lost the can-do American attitude that won us the Second World war. And the…

Alas, I grow old: while I have been old for some time, I now feel the growth of age within me. I fear I shall soon succumb to it. I know that, come my death, my children will fight over my riches unless there is a written instrument designed to…

I am not at work. This is because I decided to hang out at the 7/11 again. I am a lawyer and I should really know better, but here I am. I guess I just really wanted to buy 85 dollars worth of $5 scratch-off lottery tickets. And know what…

Two people were stabbed at the MoMa today. This worried me at first. You know, I’ll be moving to New York shortly. I would like to go to the MoMa at some point and I would prefer not to be stabbed while doing that. But then I learned that the…

I am a man of action, adventure, and prowess. As the only Cryptid hunter who has ever caught one of their quarries, I am constantly besieged by nay-sayers who seem to argue that I am lying. They are wrong. To prove this, I will now disclose several of my greatest…

There is an island between the Arabian Peninsula and Sudan. It is filled with aged, red-stone spires, crowded fishing villages that host perpetually-busy trawlers, and birds found nowhere else. It is wrapped by the clear-blue waters of the Red Sea. The island is home to a curious plant, a weed…

I write to tell you of my neighbor, Olavi. We live next door to each other in a suburb of Denver. He is a mid-sixties Finnish man with a mane of shock-white hair. He speaks with a sincerity that is hard to describe; I believe every word he says. His…